It’s draining giving all of yourself to a person who won’t do the same for you. It’s down right selfish honestly. Fine, if you’re not the type of person to open up emotionally. That’s okay but don’t expect me to pour my heart out while you hold yours within closed fists.
I have had my nose so deep in “The Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love” as of late and I want to start off by saying that my heart is being filled…with me. There is a particular section within this beautiful book that talks about woman devoting their attention and affection towards themselves…which is essentially geared getting to know who you are even better and learning to be “full of your…
Well…the same way that I pray and ask God for forgiveness is the same way that I realized my heart needed to be open to forgiving others, including myself. Forgiveness is not a way to excuse the behavior of others necessarily but I’ve learned the detrimental way that if you do not forgive, your painful memories and all of the emotions associated with them will consume you. I got tired of drowning in my thoughts and keeping the silhouette of those no longer in my space alive. I needed to let my heart rest and reopen. And it so: I choose forgiveness because I choose life, life where you do more than just “exist.”
It’s not in my nature to go around being mean-spirited to others or hurting them because I’ve been hurt before. However sometimes it felt like a burden, trying to be a good person and feeling like it wasn’t appreciated. The thing about that is that I wasn’t truly appreciating myself. I was so caught up in how to be the ultimate people pleaser and how to make men stay in my life to the point where I wasn’t being there for myself.
The more that I do things that make ME happy and the more that I living as if I have to be considered perfect for others, the more that I stop questioning who I am and my heart. I trust myself, something that I’ve never said or done before, and I’m not walking through this life alone. It feels great knowing that God has my back, even when I’m wrong or make mistakes…it feels great knowing that I have my back.